As we wind down from the bustle of the holidays and settle into this new year, I want to put out a call to my fellow parents of children with autism. It is my appeal, as a parent of an amazing 14-year-old boy with autism, that you remember you donāt have to travel this road alone. It is critical to seek out and maintain social connections and resources. They are non-negotiable elements in a familyās ability to thrive with autism.
Autism is a lifelong journey. It is a marathon, not a sprint.Ā Ā
With the best of intentions, I foolishly tried running that marathon alone for a little over three years following my sonās diagnosis. The results were nearly catastrophic for my family. Back in late 2015, I was an exhausted, hyper-independent single mother of four, one of whom was a five-year-old with severe autism-based elopement behaviorsā¦ and I was failing him.
My failure didnāt come from not caring or not trying hard enough. It wasnāt because I hadnāt researched enough, asked our local primary doctor for advice on how to keep him safe, asked for in-home ABA, let the authorities know about his elopement tendencies, asked his Medicaid caseworker how to keep him safe, and likely a half-dozen other efforts. I was doing my honest best, given the situation, but it was not enough.
Get help from the experts
So, why did I fail? I was trying to become an autism expert instead of turning to the experts who already existed at the Autism Society of North Carolina. In hindsight, I didnāt really know exactly what the Autism Society of North Carolina (ASNC) did, at that time. Today, I know ASNC to be a collection of the most caring professionals Iāve ever had the privilege to meet, and for over seven years, work alongside.
Like many special needs parents, I had fallen into the trap of feeling like I needed to know everything for my child or else I was a failure as a parent. The truth is, there is simply too much to know and learn to navigate autism alone. I have come to trust and depend on this incredible organization to help me build a roadmap for our journey. Through ASNC, I learn things in a timely way, based on where we are, currently, as well as upcoming milestones. The professionals at ASNC have helped me successfully overcome the information overload I experienced when trying to learn everything regarding autism. (Connect with an Autism Resource Specialist)
Build a village of support
The second, and maybe even more crucial reason for my failure: I was trying to be all things for my child with autism, and it had become an extremely isolating venture. Since 2016, I have amassed the most incredible village of caring, supportive parents. They are my friends, co-workers, ASNC support group leadership, community partners, and ASNC support group event attendees. They are a strong and mighty village of people. They are people willing to move heaven and earth to make the world a better place for their loved ones with autism. They are also people with whom I have been privileged to share vulnerable connections.
Donāt go the distance alone
I get it. You already feel like your time and emotional energy are stretched paper-thin. It can seem like a frivolous part of self-care to reach out for social connections, but marathons arenāt meant to be run alone. They have crowds that cheer you on and markers to guide you along the route. Autism is a complex journey. Twelve years in, I still benefit from the guideposts placed by those who āget autismā and the crowd that cheers my family on, through every single mile. They are a necessity, not a luxury, and one I had to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to receive. (Find your local Support Group)
I will forever be grateful that in late 2015 I learned that autism is a road we were never meant to travel alone, nor do we have to.
Learn more about the Autism Society of North Carolina and the many ways it can support you and your family on our website at autismsociety-nc.org.
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